Thursday, 17 October 2013

Life after Dude

So... (deep breath in), we had the funeral on December 19th. Terrible yet beautiful if you know what I mean. The coffin was decorated with scenes from my son's life and I'm pleased to say there were people there practically from every section of his life. It was a Humanist ceremony. Rather splendidly, several attendees have since said it was the best funeral they'd ever been to! The wake was fab. Lots of friends and family all comforting us and plenty of laughs. In fact I don't think I've experienced anything other than compassion and solidarity from everyone. The only sour note being the local LD department who, when I informed them earlier this summer wanted to know why they were not informed when Jordan died. This was not a deliberate omission on my part, mind. We had nothing to do with them or they with us. Not a hint of condolence or even compassion. Very odd. I can only hope I got them on a bad day. We had the inquest on March 20th, which confirmed that Jordan died from SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death from Epilepsy). You can read about it here. I used to fret about this when Jordan was younger and had absence seizures but the fear had gone to the back of my mind as he'd been seizure-free for ten years at the time of his death. Everyone was very sweet at the inquest itself. The doctor who performed the autopsy stopped by, and as he'd handled Jordan's brain and heart, I felt it only appropriate to thank him and shake his hand. It's fair to say that the shock is wearing off a bit. Yoga and walking take the edge off when I'm feeling grim. We went to Thailand for ten weeks (for work) which was the trip of a lifetime. Now we're back and I've just had the first summer without Jordan, but it was much easier than I thought. I love being here, even when it's silent. I also came across a very helpful book, which I recommend to you. Not easy reading by any means but plenty in there to resonate with anyone whose child has died.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Be not afear'd...

Now that we have collected Jordan's ashes, it occurs to me that I should shift the emphasis of this blog a little, to encompass the many processes of bereavement. If the last few weeks have shown me anything, it is that each individual has a unique response to the death of someone they love. For the record, I don't think there is an afterlife; Jordan is beyond my reach and I am beyond his. I don't think we will ever reunite. I daresay that comes across as very bleak. But it does make me see clearly that this life is not a rehearsal for anything, so it's time to carpe a little diem. If anyone has links to posts about bereavememnt, particularly if they relate to special needs, do get in touch. The title of this post is from Caliban's speech in 'The Tempest', one of Jordan's favourite Shakespearean plays and which was read out at Jordan's Humanist funeral.