Tuesday 8 September 2015

How to survive a meltdown without having one yourself.

A little something from my own personal experience that may be of use to you.

1. Keep absolutely calm and maintain a neutral expression. Resist the urge to shout back, difficult as that may be. You’ve had a hard day yourself, now here is Mummy’s Treasure fresh off the bus ranting about how you bought the wrong sort of pasta sauce for tea. Red Pepper Pesto instead of Red Pesto. HOW COULD YOU?

2. Remove their shoes. Your shins and good furniture will thank you. This will also stop them from hurling footwear at your head, the mirror, the dog/cat and any surprised handypersons in the house who are repairing the last thing that Mummy’s Treasure saw off during a meltdown.

3. Keep your voice as quiet as possible. This can often have the effect of stopping Mummy’s Treasure from yelling in that ear-splitting way they have; you know, the way that makes you wish you lived in the country so the whole street didn’t have to be party to your failings as a mother. Develop the habit of saying in a quiet voice, ‘if you calm down we can read a book/raid your father’s secret chocolate supply/watch The Land Before Time 24: Return Of The Great Franchise (what do you mean you’ve watched that a squillion times already? Think of your shins!)

4. Always utilise humour in a difficult situation. So when Mummy’s Treasure has their hands around your neck and is pushing you up against the wall, do remember to say ‘well, sweetheart, strangle me if you like but may I point out that you have no trousers on?’ Mummy’s Treasure can go from 0-60 in a heartbeat, but the opposite can also apply.

5. When the meltdown is over, always tell Mummy’s Treasure how proud you are that they calmed down. With any luck you’ll get a bear hug. Don’t let your anger fester. Always let it go. And NEVER forget the healing power of chocolate and wine. Good luck!